I am writing this as i take a flight back to the city i currently work and live in. These hours of travel are unique and sometimes necessary. They put me in a place between the life im choosing for myself and the life i was born into. There were times that i found these hours well, frankly, depressing. There’s too big a difference between the two and i am always in some kind of dilemma trying to figure out what i want to be. So, in those few hours where i belong nowhere, i get a better idea of where i actually want to be.
This last trip back home was because it was requested by my Mom, since my Dad celebrated his 69th (but 70th in the pictures– long story, ull understand later) birthday. And because i have a three day suspension from work this month (shorter story: was late too frequently).
So i arrived home after a disaster of not getting tickets earlier and ending up spending twice as much on fare and using four modes of transportation walking not included. I brought two boxes of fancy donuts to share with our relatives who were coming for dinner to celebrate Dad’s birthday. By this point i was tired. I opened the gate .. and was greeted by some folded up tables and chairs. I opened our front door and saw three strangers chopping stuff and pinching chicken meat; and some vegetables piled up in the kitchen. My mom greeted me with a happy smile. I didnt know she was having a big party. She said she feels obliged to give one of those once a year and now was a good time. I dont like big parties. She opened the donuts and gave them to the choppers, pinchers, some newly arrived strangers and house painters outside. I felt distressed at having spent twice the amount i budgeted for fare and the money spent on fancy donuts.
Later on my mom received four expensive cakes so the donuts are just like me while my mom is the cakes i guess in that lousy analogy.
After spending the entire day cooking and supervising my mom asks me to change because the guests will arrive. My relatives also arrive but in this scenario they are expected to help in the preparation, service and entertainment of the “real” guests: my mom’s fellow judges and their parties, people from my mom’s rotary club, which includes the parents of our city’s ex (corrupt) mayor.
The priest i secretly dislike arrives. He gives the blessing. I dislike him because he used to kiss me on the lips when no one was looking and i felt i shouldnt say anything because my mom and dont Aunts adore him and he gives them good advice.
Everyone watches as my dad approaches the cakes and blows out the candle. They burst in nice applause that to me sounds fake. Wait, i shouldve used the word “polite.”
My dad also doesnt like big parties. I dont even know if he still likes people. He asks me to get food for him. I line up at the buffet table and get food even though i should let all the guests go first so that i can get the dishes my dad likes to eat before they disappear. I hear a guest remarking to his lap dog person that there’s no serving spoon for the chicken. I just use the spoon from the rice.
I give my dad his plate and eat at the table inside the house together with some relatives. We eat and talk while my mom probably hasnt eaten a thing trying to entertain her entitled guests. I decide to go outside to help her when the priest comes in and sits at the table.
My mom introduces me to a fellow judge and her party. They remark on how pretty i am. I smile and say thank you. Mom and i have our picture taken several times. She looks happy. We,together with my cousins, slice up one of the cakes and serve them. The priest has circulated outside so i go back in and spend the rest of the evening inside singing karaoke with my relatives.
Earlier my aunt and i were having a conversation online while i waited for my flight. She said she was glad the night went well. Although she was stressed a little with my mom, like we all were. I said my mom needs to have one of those things as part of her role in society. I said i think it will not give her true happiness but we all have different paths we choose to take for our lives. (I know that in her eyes, my life looks disappointing, maybe.) I said that at least we can support her. By that i meant, that was my way of showing i cared.